So poor, troubled, cutie-patootie Nick Stahl was arrested last night for shakin’ the snake, spankin’ the frank, thumpin’ the pump, ticklin’ the pickle – take your pick of euphemisms – at a local porn shop. TMZ reports that: “LAPD undercover vice officers were conducting a routine check of an adult store in Hollywood around 6PM — and found Stahl alone in a private booth, watching a porno, and committing a ‘lewd act.’ We’re told the Terminator 3 star appeared to be ‘touching himself’ – you can figure out the rest – and he was booked for lewd conduct, a misdemeanor. Nick was cited and released from police custody a few hours later… and as he walked out of the police station he told our camera guy it was all a ‘misunderstanding.’ Also worth noting: no one picked Stahl up from the station… he just kinda wandered off into the night.” And while we can all tee-hee and titter about this, and ask WHY HE DOESN’T JUST USE A LAPTOP IN THE PRIVACY OF HIS HOME LIKE THE REST OF US, I think sometimes some people (meth addicts) just like the shared experience. It’s a community thing. And really, what’s wrong with that? If people like Nick Stahl and Fred Willard want to go to a porno theater or a dirty book store and flick their Bic, flog their log, or butter their banana, what’s wrong with that? That’s what those places are for! If the management doesn’t like people jerking off in their theaters than, um, DON’T SHOW PORN. It’s that simple. And if the police have a problem with it, they should shut them down. Don’t keep the places open as a trap for tweakers. That’s just entrapment and wrong. I feel bad for him. NICK HONEY, DARLING, LIGHT OF MY LIFE: I have all the porn you could possibly want. We’ll set up some reclining chairs, turn the lights off, invite some homeless guys over, and you can recreate the Studs Theater experience in my apartment. I promise: You can totally do your thing and nobody will get arrested. In fact, we’ll all applaud when you’re finished.
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