Deserving of your attention is any queen who does the following:

• Enters the stage on a camel, singing “My Humps”

• Weaves Saint-Saens with the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha”

• Earnestly sings a rock opera for podophiles (complete with endless foot montages)

• Dresses up a raw chicken with fake eyelashes and introduces her as Salmonelli (as in Liza’s less talented, less attractive sister)

Catch Varla Jean Merman at UltraSuede. I laughed, I cried, I got infected.

– Randy Barbato