Regarding the new Superman movie, which we’ll all be seeing after work tonight, Michael Musto tells us in his latest La Dolce Musto column in The Village Voice, that

the company that digitally youthened some of X-Men 3‘s characters for the opening sequence was also assigned to de-bulge BRANDON ROUTH because his crotch was so distracting, it looked able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Sort of like when King Kong’s snaggletooth took attention away from NAOMI WATTS and JACK BLACK. Anyway, I saw the movie and Superman might not be gay, but he’s definitely Jesus. Discuss.

And if we had a Headlines We Wish We Had Written Department, it would probably consist entirely of Michael Musto-created pearls. He titled his deconstruction of The Devil Wears Prada “In a Prada-Da-Vida.”