Moye Ishimoto writes:

What is this, idiot week? I’m definitely not bleeding from the vagina or anything of the sort that could cause an upset in my hormone balance and therefore make me more irritable or bitter than ever. So my conclusion is that everyone else is an idiot and it’s all their faults. Not mine.

First off, there was that fat lady who fainted on me during my flight home from New York the other day. No, not next to me, in the aisle, or on my seat. ON ME. If you’re going to faint, please stay away from me.

Then I found this lady who had no idea who Borat is. I’m sorry, but I thought everyone knew who Borat is, even if they’ve never seen the world-famous Da Ali G Show. Regardless, don’t post your ignorance on the Internet for the whole world to see. That’s what Google is for. Google first, then post. Actually, it should be more like, Google first, then think about it, ask your friend about it, wait maybe a day or so, THEN post.

And then, today, I read about the Simplified Spelling Board, who are seeking to revolutionize English into phonetic spelling. At least, that’s what I think they were talking about because apparently the journalist thought it would be witty to write the entire article phonetically so, basically, I couldn’t even read the damn thing. For one thing, are you kidding me?? You want to re-spell the entire English language in hopes of vanquishing illiteracy and helping children learn faster? Yeah, good luck there. Make our children lazier so they can’t figure out the difference between “way” and “weigh.” Secondly, why did you write 80% of your article phonetically? It’s incredibly annoying and actually proves the fact that spelling English phonetically is the most idiotic idea in the world. Unless you’re being ironic. ARGH, I don’t have time for irony. Your Spelling Board and article made me waste five precious minutes of my life.

Anyone else want to share this black cloud hovering over my head right now?

– Moye Ishimoto