Really not sure how the Brits come up with these names for celebrities – Macca for Paul McCartney, Mucca for Heather Mills – but they’re convenient, if not particularly obvious. Anyway, Lady Mucca has sicced her lawyers on The Sun for printing “false, damaging, and immensely upsetting statements” about her. Meanwhile, Kate Moss (known simply as Kate) has come forward, in support of Macca, to accuse Mucca of being a liar on six counts and The Sun, standing by its false, damaging, etc statements, has printed them. They include Kate’s thoughts on Mucca’s prior prostitution, adultery, shoplifting, and identity theft, but most amusing to us is Kate’s response to Mucca’s claim that she had to crawl to the loo with her prosty leg off at night because Macca wouldn’t let her use a bedpan.

A friend of Kate said: “Kate reassured Stella that she knew Heather was a liar because she had seen her hopping around. She said she was ‘jumping around like a fucking gazelle’ and is prepared to swear to it, in court if necessary.” Kate added that Heather is “extremely athletic” and “not the sort of person to crawl anywhere.”