Steven Corfe writes:

I just dug out my copy of Madonna’s Immaculate Collection, in anticipation of going to her concert in May. But my sing-along versions in the car have been making for some strange listening for my boyfriend. I seem to have misheard vast chunks of her lyrics. It might be something to do with Madonna’s over-enunciated singing landing on youthful ears (I was 11 when I first got the album), but in any case our conversation went something like this:

“Material Girl”

Me (nasal voice, with vigor): We’re serious and maybe rich and now they’re after me!

Boyfriend: It’s EXPERIENCE has MADE ME rich.

I shrug it off. Next up, “Crazy For You.”

Me: (heartfelt ballad voice, trembling): Sway in Rome as the music starts / Strangers making the most of the dog…

Boyfriend: It’s SWAYING ROOM and they’re making the most of the DARK! What, were you DEAF as a kid?

I sulked and spent the afternoon in my bedroom secretly looking up Madonna lyrics online and singing softly to myself. See the full list of my misheard lyrics after the jump!

“Vogue”

Me: You’re full of snails and you long to be / Something better than you are today

ACTUAL LYRICS: If all else fails and you long to be

Something better than you are today

I’d ALWAYS thought it was snails, and frankly my version makes more sense. If I were full of snails I’d sure long to be something better. And she really does say snails! Go listen.



“Papa Don’t Preach”

Me: Papa don’t preach / abinaloonadeech.

ACTUAL LYRICS: Papa don’t preach / I’ve been losing sleep.

OK, if I’m honest with myself, I guess I never REALLY thought Madonna was singing abinaloonadeech. But it hasn’t stopped me from singing it for 14 years!

“La Isla Bonita”

Me: Last night I dreamt of some pedro.

ACTUAL LYRICS: Last night I dreamt of San Pedro.

Ohhh – so she wasn’t dreaming of any old pedro, but SAN PEDRO! Who knew? I think my version was probably reinforced when Madge had a baby with her personal trainer. What was his name? Some pedro.

POSTSCRIPT: So it seems I’m not the only one. James St. James just told me that when “La Isla Bonita” first came out, he thought that last night Madonna dreamt of “some bagels.” Bagels! How ridiculous! What, was he DEAF?

– Steven Corfe