Huffington Post senior entertainment editor Mike Ryan has seen The Dark Knight Rises, and knowing how eager you are to see it, has taken it upon himself to interview himself about what we can expect. (Don’t worry, only the vaguest of spoiler alerts are included).

Q: Who is the villain in The Dark Knight Rises?
A: The villain’s name is Bane (Tom Hardy).

Q: Who is Bane?
A: Bane is a very intelligent – and very large – man who wants to destroy Gotham City. When the film opens – in a nifty scene that you may have already seen — we watch Bane kidnap a nuclear physicist off of an airborne plane. Then, a few months later, he sets up camp in the sewers under Gotham.

Q: Will I be able to understand Bane?
A: Yes. Well, mostly.

Q: Will I like Bane?
A: As a character? Very much. As a human being? I would hope not.

Q: Will Tom Hardy win an Oscar for his portrayal of Bane, like Heath Ledger for the Joker?
A: No. I mean, it’s almost a shame that Hardy has to wear that (quite frightening) mask as Bane, because he’s absolutely terrific. And, yes, his voice is weird – but I actually quite enjoy it because it’s so unique. No, Bane isn’t as good of a villain as Ledger’s Joker. But, c’mon, that’s like criticizing the 2011 St. Louis Cardinals for not being as good of a team as the 1975 Cincinnati Reds. I mean, they both won.

Q: Does Anne Hathaway purr as Catwoman, like Michelle Pfeiffer did in Batman Returns?
A: No. In fact, the word “Catwoman” is not mentioned at anytime in the film. Hathaway plays Selina Kyle, a highly skilled burglar who is hired to steal something from Bruce Wayne’s mansion.

Q: So Selina Kyle is another villain?
A: Let’s just say that she has mixed allegiances.

Q: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in this movie. What’s his role?
A: Levitt plays a Gotham police officer and that’s about all I can say.

Q: Is there a representative from Warner Bros. currently standing behind you, holding a Taser?
A: Yes.

Q: What about Marion Cotillard’s role?
A: She’s a philanthropist in whom Bruce Wayne places a great deal of trust.

Q: Is that Taser still there?
A: Yes.

Q: Is The Dark Knight Rises better than The Dark Knight?
A: No. But, boy, it’s close. Look, this is a movie that can be nitpicked to death, and it will be once specific details can be discussed without ruining the movie. But, really, it’s just so well made, I will feel guilty when I do that.

Q: Is The Dark Knight Rises the best movie of the summer?
A: Yes.

Q: What else can you write about The Dark Knight Rises without being Tased?
A: Well, at the end of the movie, Batman [zzzzzzzzzzppppppp].