On Memorial Day, someone forgot to invite me to a BBQ, so I watched TV.
Miss Universe – NBC
Why it was worth watching:
• Miss Puerto Rico – Her eyelash treatment was insane. Fake eyelashes just on the ends (it worked, she was second runner-up).
• Miss Mexico – Hot tamale! She should have won but, alas, while she aced the T&A competition, she stumbled on the Q&A! When asked what book she would have everyone read, she referenced some obscure self-help book, I Met the Author.
• Miss USA – Someone needed to teach this girl how to “walk” – calling Miss Jay!
• Miss Canada – OK, I know I sound like I’m bragging, but I clocked her as the winner right from the start. She had bland pageant queen written all over her!
• The national costume parade – Oh my God, if only Gay Pride were as fabulous. Thumping house music and a stage full of drag queens! Delicious!
• The bathing suit competition – It went on for like 10 minutes! Endless! I suspect executive Donald Trump had something to do with this.
• Carson Kressley’s hair – Jheri Curls! Carson debuted a hot new do: curly, greased, hot.
Hell’s Kitchen – FOX
Gordon Ramsay works overtime trying to convince us he is Satan. The thing about demonic characters on reality shows is that they work best when they aren’t trying! Gordon is over-cooked!
And no, I didn’t watch an earnest war movie. Why bother? I get to see that everyday, I don’t need to remember what is impossible to forget!
– Randy Barbato