Nestled in the refreshing oasis of Malibu you can find seashells, collagen, celebrities, and if you’re lucky… a nice refreshing dose of gay-hating. Last evening, after a lovely day at the Silver Spoon Beach House in Malibu, the producers of Tori & Dean: Inn Love sat down at Taverna Tony’s with their boyfriends for some lamb k-bobs. A woman sitting nearby with her husband and children became so grossed-out at the sight of us holding hands with our boyfriends that she asked the waitress to move them to another table. Unable to re-seat the bigot and her family, the waitress tried to calm the beast down (she had ugly hair), but Mommy Intolerance was so sickened by the fact that adult homosexual men would want to hold hands in public that she boxed up her heaps of Greek food and left in a huff. Clearly, seeing gay people isn’t what she expected when going to a restaurant in MALIBU (dumbass). We want to issue this apology:

Dear Lady Whom We Offended With our Gayness:

• Sorry that we sat holding hands last night at a restaurant in Malibu, the last place you’d expect to see gays.

• Sorry that we ordered martinis “straight up.”

• Sorry that we ordered k-bobs; looking back, they DO look like weeners, which is not appropriate.

• Sorry that we ruined your family dinner with our non-family values.

• Sorry that you’re an idiot.

– John Hill