Steven Corfe writes: After reading that OK! magazine scored a behind-the-rehab-gates, not-particularly-juicy telephone interview with Lindsay Lohan shortly after she checked into rehab, I decided to get to the root of the hysteria and have a quiet chat with Lindsay myself. Not having her cell phone number, I called the rehab facility under false pretenses. Here, exclusively for the WOW Report, is the transcription of my phone conversation with Lindsay Lohan.
WOW: (ring ring)
Wonderland: (recorded message) Thank you for calling Wonderland Treatment Center. For admissions or immediate assistance, please press ‘0’.
WOW: (presses ‘0’)
Wonderland: Hello, Wonderland Treatment Center.
WOW: Hi. I need to speak to someone there.
Wonderland: Certainly. Do you have a problem we can try and help you with?
WOW: Not exactly. Yes. I have an addiction.
Wonderland: Well, that’s very brave, sir, it’s a big step admitting. Can I take your name first of all?
WOW: Before that, I actually need to speak to someone in your facility. She recommended it, you see.
Wonderland: Ah. I see. We’ve had lots of recommendations this morning. Does that certain someone go by the name Ms Lohan?
WOW: Yes! You know my friend.
Wonderland: Oh, I know your friend. And did Ms Lohan tell you what room she’s staying in?
Wonderland: Because I’m going to need to know a room to connect you.
WOW: Yes. I think she said 302?
Wonderland: 302? That’s strange, our rooms have names, not numbers.
WOW: Oh yes. She said 302, the… Serenity room.
Wonderland: Ms Lohan in 302 the Serenity room.
Wonderland: And who should I tell Ms Lohan is calling?
WOW: An old friend.
Wonderland: Unfortunately, the recovery program she’s on forbids calls from friends for the first week.
WOW: I mean I’m more like family really.
WOW: Yes. It’s her mom. Dina. Lohan.
Wonderland: OK. I’m hanging up sir.
WOW: Please! Let me speak to my daughter!
Wonderland: Goodbye sir.
WOW: Please! SHE NEEDS HER DRUGS!
– Steven Corfe