The Tourist opens today, and even though it’s getting pretty terrible reviews, I’m still planning on seeing it mainly because I’m a sucker for Venice and it looks like one of those stylish, breezy, Charade-like stories that I just LOVE. I am NOT seeing it for Johnny, who frankly looks a little haggard. No, I’m just going to say it: HE LOOKS HORRIBLE. Ugly, even. I’m sorry. To soften the blow of those words, I thought we could spend a few minutes reveling in the glory of what once was. Behold: Johnny (NOT LATELY)!