If you aren’t TOO sensitive, take this fake quiz in The New Yorker by humorist Paul Rudnick (In & Out, Addams Family Values):
1. What is a cisgender person?
a. Someone whose gender identity matches the sex that he or she was assigned at birth.
b. Someone who most likely had never heard the word “cisgender” until he or she read this.
c. Someone who will now start observing his or her spouse’s or co-workers’ behavior, rolling his or her eyes and muttering, “Typical cisgender.”
2. A “bear” is a sturdy, hairy gay man, while an “otter” is a slimmer version of a bear. What is a “muskrat”?
a. An even smaller gay man whom bears and otters wear as a corsage.
b. An otter who forgot to bathe.
c. Someone only slightly less disturbing than a weasel.
3. “Butch” and “femme” are traditional terms used within the lesbian community. What is a gay woman who’s too exhausted to wear either flannel or lipstick?
a. A paralegal.
b. Your last girlfriend, whose name you can’t remember, but it sounded like either Janet or Janice.
c. Ryan Seacrest.
4. The Republican congressman Aaron Schock has been suspected of being a closeted homosexual because he appeared shirtless on the cover of Men’s Health, wears pink gingham, and has an office decorated like “Downton Abbey.” What else about Schock seems to indicate gayness?
a. The fact that he refers to having sex with men as “crossing the aisle.”
b. His habit of voting for a bill by squealing, “I love that!”
c. His formal request for increased military funding to provide “tons more of those totally cute little short shorts that Bradley Cooper wears in American Sniper. Yumbo!”
5. In response to the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, sex-toy retailers are stocking up on products aimed at the film’s primary audience, middle-aged women. What are some of these products?
a. Plus-size handcuffs.
b. Erotic lubricants flavored like Doritos.
c. Whips that can also be used to swat mosquitoes away from a tray of heart-shaped cupcakes.