Ray Cochran writes:
Yesterday I was in Larchmont Village for my usual Saturday appointments: career coach at 12, hour break, therapist at 2, facialist at 3:30. I usually stop in at Pinkberry to get a green tea frozen yogurt to reward myself for the week, which is followed by some shopping at Larchmont Beauty to stock up on my personal grooming products. It was a rough week of beauty for me; not only did I run out of Kerastase, but I discovered I had no more bedtime hand lotion and the goddamn nuns in the farmaceutica at Santa Maria Novella in Florence still don’t have their website up and running! So I called Sister Eva and I’m like, “I’m out of motherfucking lotion and you people have been selling this shit since 1612 and you can’t figure out a basic web design so I can order online? WTF?”
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Anyway, so I’m in Larchmont between appointments and I’m totally puffy from crying during my career session and feeling really sad, just really tender inside… You know that feeling? Awful right? I mean, the career coach keeps pushing me to write down my goals for next year and I’m like, “Bitch, I don’t even know what John Varvatos is doing with BELTS in ’07 and you want me to commit to blogging five volumes of my memoirs by next Christmas?” Fuck off! Right? I was totally enraged and felt backed into a corner and I was just happy I had therapy in an hour.
Anyway, so I’d picked up my Kerastase, was eating my Pinkberry, and I’m walking along Larchmont window shopping for new sunglasses and I pass the magazine kiosk and I look over and I see the cover of Time magazine and I almost passed out. Are you ready for this? I AM TIME MAGAZINE’S PERSON OF THE YEAR! Can you believe it? Seriously, go pick up a copy and you’ll see MY FACE on the cover! Isn’t that unbelievable? They didn’t even call me to let me know! I can only imagine they chose me because of my blog, The Bent Post, which I stopped a few months ago. I stopped it because I got tired of blogging about Britney Spears and fucking Paris Hilton. I mean, why blog about THEM when I could be blogging about myself, right? Anyway, so that’s what I wanted to tell you all. Time‘s Person of the Year? Moi! Go check it out!
– Ray Cochran