• Carolina whiners. While a judge has sided with Borat against those South Carolina frat boys, another man is suing a South Carolina restaurant, Comedy Central, YouTube, and Google because the management of Ristorante Divino allowed Sacha Baron Cohen, as Borat, to pose as an attendant and film in the men’s room and make remarks about his genitals, a segment later shown on television and the Internet.

• Kasabian’s Serge Pizzorno calls Elton John “just a fat man in a tracksuit.” We beg to differ with the “just.” (The Sun)

• Warning! Soy is feminizing and turning our country’s kids into homosexuals. And not just because of the lattes. (World Net Daily)

• Putting the T in TM. Mary Carey, the venerable porno star who likes to run for governor on occasion, has decided to trademark her name, which is her right as an American, but Mariah Carey, Grammy-winning songstress adequately equipped to be an adult star herself, is being quite contrary, and threatening legal action. (Monsters and Critics)

• Michael Douglas is actually 62 and not the youthful 40 he appeared to be with all that blond hair. Seems he was dying it this whole time. Who knew? (Daily Mail)

• Twin Percs. Strange director David Lynch, who chainsmokes coffee, will be launching his own brand of joe soon. Look out for David Lynch Signature Cup Coffee at a Whole Foods near you. (The Knife)

• Naomi Campbell feels like a target. “People have told me for months and years ‘you’re a target’ but it’s only just sunken in,” she says. To solve the problem and to prevent more allegations of abuse, she says she may never again spend time alone in a room with another person. Alone together is an oxymoron. (This Is London)