Paris Hilton’s legal team may have filed a notice to appeal her 45-day jail sentence, but in the event the heiress does find herself slammer-bound, there’s really only one thing she needs to concern herself with once on the inside: looking, like, totally hot. Here’s some suggestions for jail-friendly fashions to help Paris blend in with the ultimate in-crowd.
1. The Rat Tail A subtle spin on the classic lesbian inmate hairstyle. Paris can achieve this look by shaving her entire head, save for one single hair extension at the back. One way to accomplish this on the inside is by shearing her whole head with a sawn-off Gillette Venus Vibrance, smuggled into the visiting room inside BFF Kim Kardashian’s vagina.
2. The Prison Tattoo Eschewing the traditional teardrop tattoo (sooo 2006!), Paris should opt for a take on the more hardcore Russian criminal tattoo, showing her fellow inmates she’s no one’s bitch. This design depicts Brandon Davis and Nicole Richie on a Tuesday-night bender in Hyde. Totes cute!
3. Customize, Baby If you’ve got it, flaunt it, and our girl Paris has certainly got it. Paris should waste no time trimming down that gross baggy orange jumpsuit into something a bit more form-fitting. Accessorize with orange eye-shadow, chunky jewelry, and a shiv.
– Steven Corfe