This weekend, more than a week before Halloween, I was terrorized at every turn by green ghouls:
Saturday night at 8PM was “Lights Out LA,” when we were supposed to turn off our lights for an hour. It’s the latest twist in a line of eco terror campaigns such as “Flex Your Power” and “Be Water Wise.” Anyway, as I sat in the dark watching TV, I noticed CNN has turned its logo green to trumpet the Anderson Cooper shockumentary Planet in Peril, in which, presumably, he goes to the ends of the Earth to report on how dire things are (and still to come next month is NBC’s green week, in which the entire Today show cast will go to the ends of the earth to report etc etc….) OK, I can still shop, though, right? But things were just as dire at the mall.
September was National Preparedness Month, brought to you by those thoughtful folks. And to get the kids organized they even have a theme song, sung to the tune of “She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain”:
You need tools and food and water for 3 days/
Also, radio, flashlight batteries for your stay/
Grab your first aid kit and some clothes to wear/
Don’t forget your underwear!/
Oh, September is the month to get prepared.
So I rushed home to get prepared and found this piece of junk mail in my inbox:
Prepackaged survival food for times of emergency now available! The Survival Food Store offers festive hampers to cover everything from minor emergencies (The Blackout Pack – three days of food) to Judgment Day (the Armageddon Pack – 30 days of food).
Well, at least I can shop with a clear conscience.
– Fenton Bailey