An Iowa man, Travis Frey, has been charged with kidnapping and assaulting Ruth Frey, his wife of nine years, whom he bound to the bed and sexually violated. Perhaps if she’d signed that “Contract of Wifely Expectations” he’d drawn up for her, there wouldn’t be cause to charge him, since the four-page document would have made Ruth a slave to Travis in every way. But Ruth turned the contract over to the cops and now it’s on The Smoking Gun for all the world to see. It’s quite a read, in a medieval nazi kind of way, like the rantings of a woman-hating closeted serial killer. We’re just saying.

Shaving will be done every third day, and includes underarms, legs, and pubic area (navel to anus), all areas are to be completely clean shaven. Every Saturday you are to use the Walh clippers with a guard no greater than 1/2″, and then present yourself to me for a measurement check.