In the deepest pit of the 9th circle of Hell there is a theater that plays Kathy Lee’s Rockin’ Tots Cafe on a loop for the worst of the worst child molesters, ISIS beheaders, and people who come up to you at parties and say “I bet you don’t remember my name.” You probably never even knew this travesty of a television show existed. It did. God help us, it did. Cinebomb describes it as “Pee-wee’s Playhouse but without any of the fun, wit, or imagination.” And that’s about the gist of it.

The premise of Kathie Lee’s Rock n’ Tots Café is pretty basic, in that it involves little else besides Kathie Lee running around a café like a coked-up lunatic. In essence it’s the kind of drivel any parent would be horrified to witness even once, much less multiple times if their children just so happened to be caught in Gifford’s spindly web. Luckily, I can’t honestly believe any child could enjoy this even on the basest of levels, so perhaps the families of the mid-‘90s were spared such a curse.

In Rockin’ Tots we are introduced to waitress/proprietor Kathy Lee Gifford, a juekbox named Juke the Duke, a football hero/bear named Giff (OH I JUST GOT IT, LIKE HER HUSBAND!), and a bunch of over-expressive theater brats who break out into kid-friendly renditions of ’50s doo-wop classics, because that seems like something children would want to watch. All the while, they are eating off of tables that counter-intuitively double as teeter-totters and merry-g0-rounds – seriously WTF. It’s all just unforgivably TERRIBLE, and I say that as an actual fan of Kathie Lee Gifford. Like: a superfan. I have all her albums. Her Christmas album is one of my all-time favorites. In fact… I would go so far as to say her “Silver Bells” duet with Regis is so beyooooond camp it approaches high art.

So I’m not just mindlessly bashing Kathie Lee here.

Anyway, I’m double-dog-daring you to watch the whole 5:14 minutes that Everything Is Terrible has dug up. Watch it and report back to me your comments.