TWO DAYS before he was due to open as Oberon in The Dream, 21-year-old Ukranian superstar Sergei Polunin announced he was quitting ballet forever. The doe-eyed ballerino has thrilled audiences around the world with his his poise, muscularity, and gravity-defying leaps, to say nothing of his ENORMOUS PACKAGE and PRETTY FACE. His resignation comes as a huge shock. Ballet blogs (ballet blogs?) are rife with speculation that he had either been poached by a rival company or he was holding out for more control over his career. The Huffington Post, however, notes that “the dancer – who co-owns a London tattoo parlor [emphasis mine] – might have grown frustrated with the strict discipline of the ballet life. In an interview last year, he referred to the pressure he felt to succeed. ‘I would have liked to behave badly, to play football. I loved sport,’ he told The Guardian. ‘But all my family were working for me to succeed. My mother had moved to Kiev to be with me. There was no chance of me failing.'” So far, calls to his tattoo parlor have gone unanswered.
You guys. YOU GUYS. A rebel ballet dancer with a tattoo fetish who wants to behave badly? I AM SO THERE. I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last from Sergei. And, uh, ATTENTION WORLD OF WONDER: I think I got your next reality show RIGHT HERE.