Bryan Hawn is a YouTube phenomenon who has directed and starred in more than 250 videos. He recently wrote about his obsession with the male physique and the ups and downs (pun!) of having what some call “the world’s best ass”. Judge for yourself, Judy.
“Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve been obsessed with the male physique. I remember rushing home after preschool to watch Batman reruns. The merest glimpse of the Caped Crusader’s well-muscled body in his gray tights and blue briefs gave me “funny feelings.” It took a few more years before I put the pieces together and figured out I was gay. Meanwhile, I resolved that when I grew up I would look just like Batman. I started wearing tighty-whities over my long pajamas and ran around the house, playing out my fantasy of being as strong, powerful, and sexy as my idol.
There was just one thing missing: That cape was always covering his bat-butt. And I had already decided that the butt was one of the most admirable of male body parts.
When you’re six-foot-one, weigh 185 pounds, and have a V-shaped torso that tapers into a 30-inch waist and a shelfed-out backside, a lot of people assume it’s all genetic. In fact, my whole body was actually built from a stick. In high school, I was just a lanky, 145-pound kid who loved musical theater, soccer jocks, and Mark Walhberg’s Calvin Klein ads.
The reason I really started training seriously was that the guys I was attracted to had incredibly beautiful bodies and preferred dating other muscular guys like themselves. When I was about 23, I began working with a trainer who was a professional bodybuilder. In time, my body began to transform. Did I ever dream that my ass would captivate millions of fans? Honestly, I just wanted to look good and fill out a pair of jeans.
When packed tightly into a nice pair of jeans, a killer butt can be a very useful accoutrement. People offer to buy me drinks. They ask about my workout routine. Some guys get annoyed when their girlfriends fixate on my backside, but once I offer to share a few fitness tips, they usually change their tune. They know their girlfriends just want something really solid to grab on to.
In my opinion, a perfect butt should defy gravity, be ridiculously pert, hemispheric (extending in a 180-degree arc from the pelvic base), and have a semi-dense texture. It creates a sort of shelf, preventing your shirt from falling straight down. And don’t get me started on finding pants that fit. It’s one of the real challenges.
Another is people who figure it’s fine to touch my ass, grope it, or give it a squeeze. And then there are the ones who just slap it as hard as they can, which I always find a bit strange. Why so aggressive?
I’m not currently dating anybody. I think it’s become harder to develop relationships as my internet fame has grown. I’m never sure if people are interested in me, intrigued by my stardom, or just want a piece of my ass. It’s disconcerting. I try to take things slowly.
Between J.Lo, Nicki Minaj, the Kardashians, and Magic Mike, there’s definitely a “butt movement” under way, and I’m happy to be a part of it. Today I am reaching close to 1 million followers on social media, so I’ve learned never to underestimate the power of the booty.“
Don’t be jealous of his booty –I mean boogie. (Where have I heard that before…?)
(via New York)
