Oh, please. Don’t act you’ve never been there, done that.
During a routine traffic stop in Caspar, Wyoming, early Thursday morning, police noticed several eyeballs slide from the right pant leg of Roy Tilbott, 51, onto the road. They quickly drew their guns and cuffed Tilbott,thinking he might be a potential serial killer.
“No, no, no” assure Tilbott, with a chuckle. “They’re not human.” They were cow eyeballs, of course, which he had pilfered from the slaughterhouse where he was employed as a butcher, and kept in his butt for safekeeping.
“I put them in soups,” Tilbott said in the police report. “They’re beneficial for erectile dysfunction, which I currently battle, but I also just like the texture and taste.”
“The company won’t let us take animal scraps home and instead toss them in the landfill,” Tilbott said in the police report. “They’re a very wasteful company. We should be allowed to take scrap meat and other parts home. The company should start a green initiative. They don’t even have recycling at the plant.”
Tilbott explained his actions: “I enjoy eating bovine eyeballs and smuggling them out in my colon was the only way I knew how to get them out without potentially getting caught and fired.”
Tilbott told police he estimates he has smuggled several thousand eyeballs from the plant over the past few months.
Tilbott was charged with driving under the influence, as his BAC was two times higher than the legal limit. He was in possession of several large carving knives possibly stolen from the meat packing plant, but hasn’t been charged with theft yet, as police need to further investigate to determine who the knives belong to.
Police are also unsure whether to charge Tilbott with theft for the bovine eyeballs. They are waiting to talk with Tilbott’s employer first.
Below, one of the cow eyeballs that rolled out of his butt and down his leg. (via Crazed)