From Manhattan’s Upper East Side, where Chuck, Dan, Nate, and the gang reside, wowlebrity Lydia Rendon reports on last night’s Gossip Girl episode.
Nothing brings out everyone’s secrets like a wedding.
After fighting over whatever reason they’ve come up with this week, Lily and Rufus are on the outs. Good thing Jenny and Eric have no story plots, giving them lots of free time. Recruiting the other two “Brady Kids” Serena and Dan, they decide to get them back together. I swear, I think Rufus is putting something in those waffles. It’s the Humphrey brainwashing system. Bust out the Lincoln Hawk tunes, throw in some Sonic Youth, and – presto change-o – the Lily and Rufus wedding is back. “Star Power, Star Power, Star Power,” a wedding song only Sonic Youth could do. Good thing that between Blair and Jenny they have enough “new mean girls” to pull off the wedding in a day, as well as Serena reminding Lily that she can’t recycle any wedding vows from her previous four marriages.
What would the wedding be though without the appearance of an illegitimate son? Welcome back, Scott, brought to you courtesy of crazy Georgina. Now, a few weeks ago I called out Georgina going all Fatal Attraction on Dan. Well, this is a show on the CW, so instead of boiling rabbits we got obsessive E-Cards to Dan and rumors of Olivia dating Orlando Bloom. Problem with all this? Georgina was relying on a blackmailed Vanessa to help her. Please, Vanessa has the bad hair situation back and I’ve completely given up on her style. Georgina’s solution? If you’re getting played by Dan Humphrey it’s time to drop the Scott bomb and eat some wedding cake too. In the end, being the Bradys, I mean Humphreys that they are, Scott has become a part of the family and will now endure waffle brainwashing treatments and an endless amount of time wasted playing board games with the writers-hate-us Jenny and Eric.
Meanwhile, Blair and Chuck meet Nate’s girlfriend Bree who doesn’t hide her interest in Carter very well. Secret revealed: To pay off a gambling debt, Carter was going to marry Bree’s cousin. Once the debt was paid, though, he stood up his future wife. What we learned from this? The Buckleys are a traditional southern Texas family who like to hunt, get revenge, are big on family loyalty and also slavery (per Blair). Surprisingly, Blair sides with Carter, believing he has changed, while Chuck has his doubts. Chuck lets Bree know where to find Carter, but gives Carter the option to skip town thinking he will except. Instead Carter comes clean to Serena and winds up in the back of a limo with two of the Buckely cousins. What are they going to do? Waterboard him? Make him eat the 72oz stake from the Big Texan? Finding out about this, Nate breaks up with Bree and Serena leaves Carter a voicemail to make sure he’s OK. Oh Serena, how thoughtful of you to leave a message for your boyfriend who is about to be used for target practice but, hey, your mom used original vows for her fifth wedding, so I guess it wasn’t a complete loss.
Until next week…