The lovely Lydia Rendon, our Gossip Girl recapper who recaps from inside the neighborhood, does post-narration of the previous night’s episode solely from the images still playing in her head. We’re glad it’s she and not we.
Surprise! Chuck’s mother is alive, dun dun dun! OK, maybe not so much a surprise as it was two episodes ago when we all figured it out, but now it’s official. After “investigating” her, Chuck confirms that Elizabeth is his mother. What he doesn’t know, and at first doesn’t care to know, is why he was always led to believe she died in childbirth. What was surprising was Blair being in total agreement with Chuck.
Instead of her usual MO of uncovering the truth at any cost, B lets it go and agrees with Chuck to forget about Elizabeth. Serena however, channeling her own daddy issues, decides Chuck and Blair are wrong. She contacts Elizabeth and arranges a lunch to get everyone together. Now, previously in episode two of this season, I mentioned that Chuck had the best line by calling Serena a train wreck. That quote is now coming in second after last night’s episode. As Chuck meets with Elizabeth while Blair, Serena, and Nate look on, it slowly becomes clear that it is not going well. Serena repeatedly reassures everyone that everything is going to work, but when she attempts to go and intervene, Blair turns and says, “Serena, sit your ass down!” Classic. In the end, even after Elizabeth tells Chuck she basically never wanted him, he still gives her a chance to get to know him.
Meanwhile, now that Nate is Serena’s muted sex toy boy, Jenny has decided to make drug dealer Damien her boyfriend. I used to think she was on her way to a brief stint as Jenny the drug dealer, but it has become clear she is Jenny, mini Serena-in-training. She’s got the trashy older boyfriend, the drugs, the Serena hair extensions, and to top it all off her voice is now a horse cross between Serena and Lindsay Lohan. Gross, Jenny, just gross. Seems that having Serena as a stepsister and Lily for a stepmother has been the perfect storm to create this new Jenny monster. Even Rufus points out the change, mentioning Lily’s stellar parenting skills by directly saying Jenny is not Serena. Rufus’ solution: drag Jenny back to Brooklyn. Jenny’s response: run away, again. Lily’s reaction: crack open a bottle of wine and finish it off after Vanya returns Rufus’ scarf from his overnight pow-wow with overly friendly downstairs neighbor. Ouch, there goes hubby number five.
Lastly, Dan & Vanessa are now hooking up. Ewww, not even worth talking about.