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You are here: Home / Featured / #GOPTimeTravelers: Republican Website Declares Mike Pence the Winner of Tonight’s Debate, TWO HOURS Before It Begins

#GOPTimeTravelers: Republican Website Declares Mike Pence the Winner of Tonight’s Debate, TWO HOURS Before It Begins

By James St. James on October 4, 2016 5:00 pm

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That is some amazing reporting there, guys. You send your reporter to the FUTURE to bring back the results of tonight’s Vice-Presidential debate, and lo and behold that “the consensus was clear” that “after the dust settled” YOUR candidate was “the clear winner”! In fact, you even managed to highlight his top moments… that haven’t happened yet… “his handling of the economy and Hillary’s scandals.” Maybe if the Republicans can time travel, they DO belong in the White House, after all.

The post (which has since been taken down):

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Via Bustle:

The GOP.com blog is so confident of Republican VP nominee Mike Pence’s performance tonight that they’re not even waiting for the debate to start to proclaim Pence the winner. The blog, which is managed by the Republican National Committee, declared proudly nearly two hours before the vice presidential debate began that “The consensus was clear after the dust settled, Mike Pence was the clear winner of the debate.”

The blog post had all the precise writing of a drunk kindergartner’s journal entry. “Mike Pence made the most of his opportunity to debate Hillary’s VP pick Tim Kaine,” the post continued, adding that “The other clear winner from tonight’s debate was Donald Trump.” I mean, jeez, if things get any more clear this election’s gonna be see-through.

Not content with merely declaring Pence the debate winner before he even took the stage, the GOP blog also went after Democratic VP nominee Tim Kaine, for questions left unasked by the moderators who have not yet had the chance to ask any. A third blog post declared that “The American people have spoken and it’s clear who tonight’s biggest loser is, Hillary Clinton.” It’s nice of them to address that sentence to HRC, but who is the biggest loser? MYSTERY!

Maybe if we’re really lucky, the RNC will look into the future and tell us that Trump won the election in basically the yugest landslide of all time, really amazing, tremendous, and save us the trouble of voting.

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