Good evening, America. I’m Chloë Sevigny.* It’s recently come to my attention that it shall be the year’s end. I have many remembrances and kept thoughts about this previous collection of months, but here now is a list of my favorite moments.
10. Hosting Bears In Space, a summer-borne dance riot at Akbar, with DJ Chris Bowen. There I made important shapes, and my nose devoured the harrowing truths of masculinity.
9. The color of the year, Avenue Maintain, reminiscent of the blood of Aeon Flux.
8. The unwavering fervor of Candace Cameron Bure.
7. Elton John’s appendix removal. Pulse-stopping television at its finest.
6. The bowel-shaking rhythms of Jodie Foster’s Elysium timbre.
5. The unapologetic return of heavy hors d’oeuvres. I most recently enjoyed a chunked orange roughy plank, festooned with holiday olives. Thank you, Samsung.
4. The remarkably understandable plot of Upstream Color. Talk about popcorn cinema!
3. Actresses without teeth. Or anyone but Anne Hathaway.
2. The desolation of Smaug. I’m really glad that happened. Thank you, Obama.
1. My nightly cacao showers with Rita Moreno, will.i.am and Roma Downey. Who stole my loofah?