We’re not very good at decoding blind items. Once a year, when Michael Musto has his whole column in the Village Voice devoted to them, we might as well be looking at Latin, or calculus. We have to call him up and have him tell us who everybody is, and we listen, rapt, like a child having a bedtime story read to him. Ted Casablanca is famous for his hilariously inscrutable fits of unnamed gossip that are all but useless except when read aloud over jazz accompaniment. Perez Hilton had one yesterday that gave us a headache, until we noticed he had spelled the word “frankly” with a capital F, which was either sloppy typing or a cunning clue that the secretly gay guy in his blind item might be James Franco. And apparently 140 Perez commenters either agreed that it was Franco or agreed to give it serious thought. We’ve had a secret crush on Franco since he was in the brilliant-but-cancelled Freaks and Geeks, and now he’s on everyone else’s crush list as well, and purely coincidentally we’ve had this image of him sitting on the toilet sitting on our desktop for ages, thinking it might come in handy one day. Like today.
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