I missed LOST last night and I’m afraid I’m going to be all thrown off now for the rest of the season. I hear there was some sort of little toy plane that Freckles McFrecklie killed some dudes in a bank robbery to get. Then Dimples Von Dimpleton took the briefcase that contained it and she had to physically pry it away from him. Damn, she’s a badass. I wonder what Dr. Stubbleface was doing the whole time. Probably being awesome. That’s what he’s best at.

And what about Pregnant O’Preggy? Did she get rescued yet? And what is Iraqi Pete up to? Is the transmitter fixed? And Hobby Hobinstein? Chubby Chubberland? Old Crazy Balderdash? The Bobbsey Twins? What is going on?

I really can’t afford to miss any more episodes. Clearly I can’t remember everyone’s name as it is. I’m too busy trying to figure out where the hell they are. My dear friend James St. James (that’s right, I’m a name dropper!) thinks the island is an alien circus. He may be right. How else to explain the polar bear and the monster in the bushes?

Regardless, that JJ Abrahamston is one clever fella.

– Jim Galasso