I keep reading about this supposed slump at the box-office, and I ask myself, what is keeping me from going to the movies? It’s not the annoying Fanta commercials. It’s not a lack of quality films being released. And it’s certainly not the accessibility and convenience of DVDs. The answer is as plain as Britney Spears’ face and literally sits right under my fat ass. It’s the price of those damn cushy seats.
If theater owners are really concerned about declining numbers, they should offer punch cards. See 7 movies, get the 8th free. Encourage consumerism. You’d see an immediate spike in ticket sales. It’s like Subway, before they discontinued their system. You go there only to get your card punched. And while we’re at it, what’s the deal with Subway ditching this gimmick anyway? Are profits down now that they’ve hired so many “sandwich artists” to stack cold cuts? Now Coffee Bean is doing the same thing and abandoning their punch card system. You can’t tell me that giving away a few free coffees is hurting business. It’s coffee. It shouldn’t cost $3.50 in the first place. You’re making a killing. Be thankful and reward the junkies who support you on a daily basis.
It’s like the goddamn bank that charge you $35 when you overdraw your account. You don’t have the $35 in the first place. Why do they think you can suddenly swing this charge? Cut me some slack, man. I work hard. If I don’t have the money, I don’t have the money. Spot me for the time being, I’ll pay you back. I’m good for it. I’m not some deadbeat mooch. You know where I live. Remember that time you loaned me two grand? I got you back. With interest. And I paid for all the beers that night we went out too. Remember?
Okay, I’ve sidetracked. And it’s time to wrap up anyway. I know Saban doesn’t like giving away this much space. He charges by the inch. (Eeyo!) So with that, I wish you all a goodnight.
– Jim Galasso