Man, am I envious of Anurag Kashyap. Of course, Anurag was yesterday’s winner of the 78th Annual Scripps National Spelling Bee, which means right about now he’s elbow deep in hot tail. I mean if history’s any indicator, he’s sure to see more ass than a toilet seat this weekend. These mini wordsmiths are the ultimate playboys. Like Burt Reynolds in his prime. Take a look at last year’s winner, David Tidmarsh.
Sure they put in hours of tedious practice every night. And they sacrifice a normal teenage social life in exchange for reading the dictionary. But, as they say, the juice is well worth the squeeze. Once they hit that national stage, with the spotlight shining down brightly on them, the world becomes their oyster.
Endorsement money rolls in by the barrel. They never have to pay for a meal again. And the women. Oh boy, the women. It’s the life. How do I know? Let’s just say I have some experience.
But in addition to these congratulations, I just want to send a warning to Anurag. Don’t let this victory get to your head, young man. For as wondrous as the spoils of success can be, remember this, it’s all about the spelling. Because today’s king is tomorrow’s O-R-N-I-T-H-O-R-H-Y-N-C-H-O-U-S.
– Jim Galasso
Jim Galasso won the National Spelling Bee in 1991, and is the author of Can I Have The Origin, Please: Spelling, Drugs, and Me.