It’s an extended four-minute preview of the upcoming Dynasty reboot – coming this fall to the CW. They’re all there: Blake, Krystal, Fallon, Stephen… albeit in slightly different form (Sammy Jo is now… a gay man?).

But if you’re in the mood for over-the-top romance, scheming, catfights, private planes, stretch limos, mega-mansions, “couture” gowns. and lots of bold red lipstick, look no further. It’s all here.

Via Deadline:

Co-written by Josh Schwartz & Stephanie Savage and Sallie Patrick, the new Dynasty follows two of America’s wealthiest families, the Carringtons and the Colbys, as they feud for control over their fortune and their children. The series will be told primarily through the perspectives of two women at odds: Fallon Carrington, daughter of billionaire Blake Carrington, and her soon-to-be stepmother, Cristal, a Hispanic woman marrying into this WASP family and America’s most powerful class.

Watch the trailer below.

I mean, let’s be real. It looks thoroughly rotten, horribly written, and worst of all – CHEAP. Also, I question the idea that people are begging for a TV show about “the 1% of the 1%” at a time when we are about to storm the castle gates and put their heads on pikes. Dynasty was aspirational when it came out in the ’80s, now America’s elites are all just horrible villains. I give this five episodes. Maybe ten.

On the plus side though: Stephen is a much bitchier queen this time around (which might be fun) and he’s allowed to actually KISS and GO TO BED with guys. Can you imagine? (On the old show, the screen would fade to black and cut to commercial every time he went in for a chaste hug. America was NOT ready for two men even touching.)