Domino’s Pizza (motto: “Making College Kids Constipated Since 1960”) has unveiled its latest culinary horror: Chicken-crust pizza. Yep, they’ve replaced the pizza crust with fried chicken. Because….? The hotdog-stuffed crusts and the pasta breads bowls were too heart-healthy? I don’t know, I don’t know. But here’s Russell Weiner, Domino’s Pizza chief marketing officer, talking about it in a press release: “Our new Specialty Chicken is one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had. It’s a delicious combo of sauce, cheese and toppings spread over 12 bites of lightly breaded, 100 percent whole breast white meat chicken.”
USA Today, which chooses to call it a “chicken dish with toppings” instead of a pizza, characterizes the launch as an attempt to capitalize on the growing demand for boneless chicken, sales of which are up 11 percent over the past three years. Domino’s has already been selling chicken wings for decades — next to pizza, said CEO J. Patrick Doyle, they sell more chicken than any other menu item. One industry consultant also points out that consumers tend to think of chicken as “healthier” than red meat or pizza.
Will you be eating this Saturday night at 2 in the morning? BE HONEST.