It’s a fact that every woman, gay, and – forced to choose with a gun to his head – straight man would sleep with Johnny Depp. And when they sometimes come on to him he doesn’t get “pissed off,” ’cause he’s sweet that way. But, ahh, what man would Depp choose to be with if he had to? That’s the question. Although he’s straight and claims never to have had sex with a guy, he says in the latest National Enquirer that he could see himself falling in love with John Waters, who directed him in 1990’s Cry-Baby. Interesting choice. But perhaps so he won’t be tempted to try French, he’s moving his wife and kids from France to an island in the Bahamas he bought in 2004 after discovering it while filming Pirates of the Caribbean. The only waters lapping up to him there will come from the Atlantic.