This e-fit photo of a burglary suspect, reported in the Sun yesterday, is, obviously, ridiculous. Apparently, the police had only long moustaches on their computer system, so they had to cut this one down to size. But we don’t think that’s the only problem with it. What really gets us is the sheer attention to detail – the drooping left eye, the severed right ear, the iron filings beard. As the victim of the burglary, Kim Rule said: “It looks like no one I have ever seen in my life.”

– Donal Coonan & Will Brown