Because Beyonce’s fake pregnancy bump is so Monday mid-afternoon. Now, all everybody is talking about is Ron Paul’s FAKE EYEBROW. Just look! How weird!! It’s just hanging there! Yes, the hanging Paul is the hanging chad of the 2012 elections! Speaking as somebody who’s worn a lot of fake eyebrows, I can unequivocally say THAT IS ONE PHONY BROW. So, now the question becomes why does he wear brow-wigs? To appear hairier i.e. MORE MASCULINE in the eyes of the red-meat loving Tea Partiers? Because his own are thin and Dietrich-esque? Are they plucked and arched? Do they look two like flaccid pencil dicks on his face? Is that it? He needs to pump them up? Or are they gray and anemic and make him look like an old man? WHAT’S THE STORY, RON? Brow Gate threatens to derail your candidacy, sir, you would do well to address it ASAP, à la Beyonce, and squash the rumors that you are a closet transvestite. Uh oh. Who said that? Who started that rumor? DRAGQUEENSAYSWHAT?