A New Feature by Sham Ibrahim
Bijou. Bijou! Bijou!! If you have something against the former drug addict/model you better just forget about it. This girl is going to be a goddess of the silver screen and a mega-superstar before you know it. How do I know this? No, it’s not my psychic intuition.
Last night I worked until 6AM as a hideous DRAG QUEEN on the set of Wizard of Gore, a film that wraps this week starring Crispin Glover, Kip Pardue, Paris Hilton, and gorgeous Bijou Phillips. A suave and charming young man named Jeremy Kasten was directing this modern-day remake. At first I thought Jeremy was one of the actors because he was wearing a three-piece suit; I’m so used to directors looking like they just rolled out of bed. But then I saw him giving direction to this tall, hot guy whom I recognized as Kip Pardue.
I looked like a circus freak, so I couldn’t have cared less about proper on-set protocol. I grabbed Kip Pardue by the arm in the middle of his conversation with Jeremy. “Excuse me, I need a picture with my husband, Kip,” I blurted. This would’ve normally gotten me fired, but I guess everyone loves a clown! Kip was very nice and agreed to take the picture. I think Jeremy was so shocked by my look that he was just speechless. (See the pic and read more after the jump)
After hours of standing around, freezing my ass off and enduring the general torture extras go through, Bijou finally appeared! I recognized her immediately. But since I was expecting her to have a cocktail in one hand, a joint dangling from her mouth, trails of coke on her nose, and track marks, I was shocked at how polished and put together she was. She was thin, with porcelain skin and delicate features. She reminded me of a swan. Right before I approached her, she crouched down and gripped her stomach with a sour look on her face. Aha! I thought – the heroin withdrawal must be kicking in! “Poor Bijou.” The wardrobe lady whispered, “Normally she’s so energetic. She just got her wisdom teeth taken out yesterday and she’s not feeling well. I can’t believe she showed up today and she’s going to work until the sun comes up! Isn’t she amazing?”
Amazing was right. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to have my picture taken with her. “Look, Bijou. I know you’re not feeling well, but I am your number-one fan and I need to take a picture with you right now,” I said. She smiled and said she’d be happy to oblige. I talked to her about her wisdom teeth for half a minute and I recommended Vicodin or pot for her pain. She laughed and told me she’d manage on her own. A far cry from the old Bijou indeed! I snapped another photo of her as she waved goodbye.
I’m sorry for all the aspiring young actresses who are hoping to claim the title, but Bijou IS the new “It” girl, hands down!
– Sham Ibrahim