OK, I am the most embarrassingly retarded person in the world. Three weeks ago, I worked on My Super Ex-Girlfriend as a drag queen, and I snapped a pic with Anna Faris. BEFORE I took the picture, this bitch named Rebecca told me that ANNA was MENA-fucking-SUVARI. I went up to Anna and I started my conversation with, like, “Hi MENA! I am such a huge fan of yours!” Thank GOD I didn’t say “I loved you in American Pie.” Anna never corrected me, so either she didn’t notice or thought I was a total freak weirdo. (I sure as hell looked like one that day.) I called her Mena at least three times in our brief conversation. I have not written another blog item or left my house since, because I have been too goddamned embarrassed.
The past two days, I’ve been booked as a “hip and trendy” coffee shop patron for a scene in a movie called Mama’s Boy starring Kathleen Turner, Jon Heder, and ANNA FARIS!! All my scenes are with ANNA FARIS because her character is an angst-ridden rocker chick who works at a coffee shop. On the second day of the shoot I brought my camera and showed Anna the picture of her and me in drag. That bitch Rebecca was working too. (I love her in real life. I swear. She’s way fierce. She won the Gene Simmons Miss Fetish contest and she’s been on West Coast Choppers. How can I not love her?) I insisted Rebecca get in my NEW picture with Anna so I could tell this story and everyone can know that REBECCA is the one who made me think Anna was Mena. Whew! Now I can finally put the pieces of my shattered reputation back together.
And by the way, after working on this movie I have decided Miss ANNA FARIS is the nicest, coolest, best-looking, and by far the most talented actress in Hollywood. I predict she will grace the silver screen for a long, long time and this movie wil be a MAJOR box office sensation. As everyone knows, I am never wrong. Right, Tori?
– Sham Ibrahim