If you’re like us – and when we say “us” we don’t necessarily speak for all of us, but only the immediate us – you will not be watching Super Bowl XL except during half-time if you remember and can figure out when it actually is without constantly checking the channel to find out. So while everyone – and when we say “everyone” we mean everyone – is otherwise engaged in the all-day event, we’ll be able to choose between several slimmer-pickings TV alternatives, thanks to this informative link. Possibilities include:

• Little House on the Prairie marathon on the Hallmark Channel

• A whole lotta Monk on USA

• Paula Deen’s “Supper” Bowl Home Cooking marathon on Food Network

• Nine super episodes of America’s Next Top Model on VH1

• What Not to Wear for five straight hours on TLC

• Eight hours of The Investigators on Court TV

• Three hours of O’Reilly Factor on Fox News Channel

• Two “really terrific!” hours of Liza on Inside the Actors Studio on Bravo

• Three eps of The Simpsons followed by three eps of Family Guy on Fox

All things considered, we’re gonna watch Puppy Bowl II, airing at 3PM, 6PM, and 9PM on Animal Planet. It’s rumored to resemble “one of those old home football games with the vibrating metal field and players going every which way.” No idea what that means or how it will manifest, but it has puppies. And we look forward to its half-time “bladder malfuction.”