Madonna is charging £160 for tickets to her shows in the UK. Why? Because she can. And to further prove her inevitable fate of some day very soon doing Vegas, she’s jumped on the glitzy Celebrity Wine bandwagon. At Celebrity Cellars.com she’s now trying to unload $100 bottles of plonk that “come with a Certificate of Authenticity.” Wow, cheap wine that comes with paperwork! Bless. Let’s all hope her next empire-building is via an international doll collection a la Marie Osmond. Then the world would be right.

“This Limited Edition Release [1,000 bottles] features a combination etched/paper label on a bottle of 2004 Dry Creek Cabernet Sauvignon. This product has hand-painted and etched disco lights and the hand-painted and etched name of Madonna surrounding a die-cut high-quality adhesive-applied image of Madonna.

“Dusty cocoa and black cherry aromas bring this 2004 Cabernet to life. Hints of vanilla, caramel and bay leaf add to the intrigue. Juicy red plum flavors give this wine a lush mouth feel, while the bright fruit will make it an excellent match with food. Chewy tannins remind you why Cabernet is king!”

And isn’t Dusty Cocoa a drag queen?

– Frank Rehwaldt