Chris May reports:
On my Friday morning coffee run, I was shocked to find my regular Starbucks packed to the rafters with touristas looking to fuel up for a big day in Hollywood. I didn’t want to wait in an endless line while Tammy from Tulsa gaped at the plethora of frappuccino options, so I hightailed it down the street to the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf – which was also packed with tourists, but hidden among them was a bona fide celebrity: Aussie actor Stuart Townsend, star of the failed Night Stalker revival and second-billed in an often-rumored-to-be-failing relationship with Charlize Theron. While the tourists loudly stocked up on mochachinos and pastries, Stuart – going low-profile in a black shirt and jeans – surreptitiously grabbed his everything bagel and slipped over to the condiments bar. This is where things got weird, because Stuart basically took every single napkin in the entire place. Seriously. One bagel, two-thousand napkins. He had such an obscene pile of napkins in his hands that I fully expected one of the tourists would look over and say, “Hey, look at that weirdo with all those napkins, and – HEY! He’s a CELEBRITY!” But that didn’t happen, and Stuart and his many, many, many napkins made a clean getaway.
Or at least he thinks he made a clean getaway, because I am fully calling him out on his napkin-snatching ways. Why anyone – let alone a celebrity – would need such an enormous armload of napkins is something I am still scratching my head about. I took an informal poll around the office, and some of the more plausible theories are:
1) He’s an outrageously messy eater.
2) He’s planning on breaking up with Charlize, and expects a waterfall of tears from both him and her.
3) He’s too cheap to carry around headshots, so whenever someone asks for an autograph, he whips out a napkin and signs it.
I’m going to go with #3, although judging by the non-reaction of the tourists in the Coffee Bean, he’s not going to have to worry so much about being hounded by adoring fans. On the plus side, he was probably able to eat his bagel in peace.
– Chris May