Eddie Lotts writes:

Recently, I wrote in expressing my fears that Kirstie Alley would return to her home here in Wichita because of the fires in LA. Oh, some of you may have scoffed, thinking I was being paranoid. “Surely Kirstie wouldn’t be a STALKER,” you may have thought. “Eddie is overreacting,” some of you probably said. “What’s that queen ON?” Well, let me tell you, I know Kirstie.

I’ve been on the lookout, scared for my safety and locking my food away in case she shows up at my door. And guess what? This queen isn’t ON anything, because she returned to Wichita Thursday night. Don’t believe me? You can read all about it here. Oh sure, the article plays up many things I touched on, such as being evacuated because of the fires, and Scientology. She says she is here helping the people in Greensburg, the little Kansas town that was obliterated by a tornado. But you and I know the real reason she’s here. Working that hard makes one hungry… so very hungry… and since there are no restaurants in Greensburg now, let alone anything else, she has to eat somewhere. I’m sure I’ll be running into her at some point, then driving away quickly, watching for her in my rearview mirror.

Maybe if I get some Jenny Craig frozen meals, I can use them as distraction, throwing them out of my car window, causing her to stop and jump on some Chocolate Cheescake Bites, allowing me enough time to escape. But I know it’s just a matter of time…. I guess I should clean the house, pop in some blue cheese bread, and wait for the inevitable.

– Eddie Lotts