If there’s anything sadder than a washed-up teen idol, it’s a washed-up teen tastemaker. For every Dick Clark who’s managed to beat back the cruel hands of time and stick in the corner of the public eye like a stray eyelash, there are dozens of Soupy Saleses, Murray The Ks, and Pauly “The Weasel” Shores. Who? Exactly.

Fifteen years ago, “The Weasel” couldn’t have walked anywhere near the pop-culture strip mall of Melrose Ave without starting a riot, but there he was this weekend, shuffling along like an elf with a bum leg and a wrinkly, time-worn face that had more nooks and crannies than an English muffin. The Son-in-Law star was decked out in his best 1991 Lollapallooza finery: Rasta hat, weird neo-hippy burlap shirt, and grubby, crusty moccasins. He seemed to be in the middle of telling some endless story to his obviously bored (and barely legal) female companion, probably regailing her with ribald anecdotes from the set of Jury Duty. Ryan Seacrest, take note – it’s like gazing into a crystal ball.

– Chris May