Last night, the normally raucous hipster restaurant Swinger’s on Beverly Boulevard turned eerily quiet when former Jane’s Addiction guitarist / Red Hot Chilli Peppers hired gun / Carmen Electra finger-banger / admitted cocaine aficionado Dave Navarro sat down for a meal. The pseudo-grease-monkey waitstaff all stared gape-mouthed as the diminutive libertine and his two pals took a booth along the windows and proceeded to tuck into a massive, multicourse meal the likes of which would scare a sumo wrestler. Plate after plate of greasy, fried foods piled onto the table, even as multiple waiters and busboys stood by with more. Even more shocking than the size of the meal was Navarro’s complete and total lack of familiarity with conventional Western dining customs and utensils. Rock ‘n’ roller that he is, Dave eschewed the boring old knife-and-fork approach, opting instead to use his tiny, childlike fingers to stuff miniature snowballs of French fries and lettuce leaves into his beard-rimmed food-hole. By the end of the meal, his face was splattered with sauce freckles, and his chin-line beard looked like a ragged string of Christmas garland. Thankfully, Dave and his dining buddies did leave a huge tip.
– Chris May