Recently retired actress Jamie Lee Curtis poked her head out of the crypt the other day at F&S Fabrics in Santa Monica, staying above ground just long enough to give the world irrefutable proof that A) she has the worst movie-star fashion sense on the planet, B) she’s the cheapest, miserly-est old bag of bones since Cruella DeVille, and C) that zombies can and do walk among us.

The Halloween / Trading Places / Fish Called Wanda star stood in the center of the store, haggling like a Middle Eastern rug merchant over a bolt of dirty, discounted cloth most discerning people wouldn’t use to line a litter box. If she had also dressed like a Middle Eastern rug merchant, it would’ve been an improvement – instead, she looked like a high-security mental patient on a day pass, complete with ragged, extra-large fanny pack full of scraps of paper; saggy black leggings that bulged suspiciously around the groin; and a razor-short haircut that would make Britney Spears wince. After arguing for the better part of a half hour, Jamie finally wore the poor guy down, and he gave her a whopping 50-cent discount. Saving a few pennies clearly gets her going, because she suddenly brightened up, curling that wrinkled piece of parchment she claims is her face into a greedy smile and explaining to the clerk that she was making a “penguin doll” for her son. We’d all be better off if she used the material to have herself mummified instead.

– Chris May