'Cats’ Movie Was "Off-the-Scale All Wrong," Laments Andrew Lloyd Webber

Musical theater legend Andrew Lloyd Webber was so distressed by the filmed version of his beloved musical Cats that he went out and bought his first dog.

While he had nothing but good things to say about the film of Evita, he was not that enthused about other adaptations. The Cats fiasco was a whole other matter, he told Variety:

“‘Cats’ was off-the-scale all wrong,” says Lloyd Webber. “There wasn’t really any understanding of why the music ticked at all. I saw it and I just thought, ‘Oh, God, no.’ It was the first time in my 70-odd years on this planet that I went out and bought a dog. So the one good thing to come out of it is my little Havanese puppy.”
That puppy has been a constant companion of Lloyd Webber’s during lockdown. They have grown so attached that he’s even figured out a way to bring the dog to New York the next time he travels to the city.
“I wrote off and said I needed him with me at all times because I’m emotionally damaged and I must have this therapy dog,” says Lloyd Webber. “The airline wrote back and said, ‘Can you prove that you really need him?’ And I said ‘Yes, just see what Hollywood did to my musical “Cats.”’ Then the approval came back with a note saying, ‘No doctor’s report required.’”

The postproduction team recently confirmed there is a butthole cut floating around somewhere. Most of the assholes were later digitally removed, but not all.