Shakespeare’s little-seen Cymbeline gets a modern retelling, as an epic battle between dirty cops and a drug dealing biker gang starring yummy Penn Badgley, yummy Ethan Hawke, Ed Harris, and yummy Anton Yelchin. Says Coming Soon: “In the style of Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet, Cymbeline is a fresh take on a universal story of love, betrayal and revenge.”

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Quick! What do you remember about Cymbeline from your freshman Intro to Elizabethan Theater class that you slept through EVERY WEEK because you were at Danceteria the night before and couldn’t POSSIBLY wake up until noon? Well, it’s based on a Celtic legend, right? And it’s about a king named Cymbeline and his daughter, Imogen. And there’s a noble orphan named Posthumus, which may or may not be where that word comes from. Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Anyway, Posthumus and Imogen are secretly married and when the king finds out a war ensues and everybody dies. OH! OH! And it was the first time anybody ever said “I haven’t slept a wink” and “The game is up.” TRUE STORY. Shakespeare coined those phrases. Anyway, Penn Badgley is set to play Posthumous and Ed Harris is going to be Cymbeline in a new, modernized version about a biker gang and dirty cops, which TOTALLY MAKES SENSE (*whispers* it doesn’t make ANY SENSE). Also Ethan Hawke is in it, but we have no idea who he’s playing. Imogen? PLEEEEEASE be Imogen. PLEASE be Penn’s secret gay husband! (via Deadline; Photos: Pacific Coast News)