Blind Government Minister, smouldering David Blunkett, is said to be distraught over his affair with “a housewife” in her forties. Blunkett is famed for his iron will and sober demeanour, yet colleagues (according to British tabloids today) have watched him wandering about Parliament like a lost puppy dog.
Blunkett is no oil painting, yet the sex appeal of such men seems boundless in the UK. Wheelchair-bound egg-head, Professor Stephen Hawking, famously left his long-suffering partner for a hot new babe, once he became a celebrity finder of black holes.
By all accounts, Hawking is a real ladies man and uses both his wheelchair and crazy ELO-style vocoder voice to devastating effect when it comes to chatting up the fairer sex.
Another high profile Sex Machine little known in the US of A is a diminutive Swedish man in his fifties with sinister glasses and a thin smile like off-milk by the name of Sven Goran Eriksson, manager of the England soccer team. Sven is a tight-lipped Lothario, quietly spoken and rarely given to emotional outbursts. When in a crisis, he smiles like Hannibal Lector.
Sven went up by 9000% in the estimation of the British when it was discovered that he’d been having an affair with Swedish weather-girl turned Z-list celebrity, Ulrikka Johnson (previously known for her sunny smile and her tendency to get beaten up by her footballer boyfriends).
Add to this mix the highly combustible element of Sven’s long-suffering girlfriend, the frighteningly glamorous Nancy Dell’Olio, a drag-queeny looking 45-year-old warhorse from Italy, known for her perma-tan, garish outfits, and a tendency to throw plates when her temper is aroused.
Nancy stood by Sven throughout the Ulrika saga, even when it was revealed that Sven wore stacked heels in order to raise his height an inch or five. When he took his shoes off before sex, Ulrika said, he dropped so far she thought he’d left the room.
Now Sven has been at it again. This time with a secretary from the Football Association. The new revelation regarding Sven’s increasingly fascinating sex life is that he knows how to pleasure a woman in “many, many ways” because he’s a very giving lover (an unpleasant thought somehow. Why can’t he just do it, roll over and start snoring, like most British men? Ah, because he’s from Sweden). Oh, he also likes to load the dish washer before having sex.
Nancy has had enough and, at the weekend, stormed out of their £4-million mansion home in London, throwing her Louis Vuitton bags into the back of her Mercedes (well, getting her assistant to do it) whilst Abba’s “Knowing Me Knowing You” blasted out of the car stereo.
“Breaking up is never easy I know…but I have to go.” That lady has class.
