Whilst you Americans eat air and salad for lunch, drink mineral water every 30 seconds and generally treat your bodies as temples, we British continue to treat our bodies as temples of doom, guzzling fat down a big pipe and chain-smoking as if it were an Olympic sport. The Government have been so far stumped as to how to get us to quit the filthy habit – until now. In a brilliant stroke of fear propaganda, they’ve calmly informed the British public that our dear pets are contracting lung cancer through passive smoking in record numbers. . .and believe you me, nothing strikes at the core of the British more than a threat to our pampered pets.
Apparently, worst hit are dogs with short noses. The evil fug goes right down and death is imminent within – ohh – decades. Long-nosed dogs tend to get nasal tumors, largely because the nozzle acts as a kind of vaccum filter, trapping smoke. Cats are similarly prone, and are now more likely to be hacking up a big lump of tar than an innocuous hairball.
But here’s the good news. Parrots are relatively hardy.