The great thing about the British upper class is its predisposition for weird sex. Meet Brigadier Ian Talbot. By day, a high-ranking army officer; by night, a gimp in a rubber suit and gas mask, with electrodes attached to his testicles. According to The Sun, Brigadier Talbot became obsessed with gimping, paying over £100,000 for punishing sessions with celebrated vice girl, Miss Whiplash, and continuing to pester her for MORE!!! According to Whiplash, the Brigadier liked hot candle wax and specially designed nipple clamps, which he provided himself.

Police have cautioned the Brigadier, who must curb his enthusiasm for now.