The Dorchester – it’s well posh, innit.
The Dorchester Hotel is the epitome of Victorian Britain, and its hallowed restaurant the true home of the Great English Breakfast. Picture a vicar sipping tea, two elderly ladies in twinsets eating strawberries and cream, and a Winston Churchill-alike layering swaths of butter on toast from a silver toast rack and you get the idea. As it happens, none of these people could get a seat yesterday because the hotel had been block-booked for a conference, so the men in suits were at every table.
Every table, that is, but one.
Wearing – please don’t be shocked here – JEANS!! was a small group in the middle of the room who can only be described as breakfast terrorists. At the tops of their voices they discussed rude, even unmentionable subjects that drew more than a few embarrassed glances from the assembled gents. The final straw, the lowest of low points being when one of the party was overheard (even across the street) shouting, “Straight men getting fucked up the arse by their wives?!!” Cutlery clattered. Waiters gasped. The men cried into their Earl Greys.
And who was responsible for this outrage? Who dared desecrate such a hallowed, respectable dining room and so upset these nice accountancy men? We are NOT afraid to name the guilty! Hang your heads in shame World of Wonder’s Fenton Bailey, Adam Perry, Janet Lee, and Jacques Peretti.