Stop the presses! This just in! A breathless interview with hunky footballer Tom Brady in The Cut notes that in addition to owning more pairs of Uggs “than you could ever imagine,” and recently getting a haircut, he has never TRIED a strawberry. Or coffee. Not once. Not ever. Not accidentally. Not inadvertently. Now, I’m not sure if this extends to strawberry Pop Tarts or strawberry strudel or strawberry Hubba Bubba bubble gum…. or coffee ice cream or coffee Jelly Bellies or coffee enemas… But I mean, really. THE MIND JUST REELS with the things he may be missing out on.

Here’s the exact quote.

“I’m 39 and I get to play football for a living. There are not a lot of people who get that chance,” he says, an even more wistful, contemplative twinkle clouding his eyes. “Part of that is because of the way that I treat my body.”

“Do you need to eat a cheeseburger every day to realize that you love a cheeseburger?” he ponders, Confucius-like. “Or could you eat it once a week … or once every two weeks … or once a month … or once every two months?” Tom Brady has learned that he doesn’t love strawberries or coffee by never having tried either at all, a commitment no mortal man could ever conceive of pulling off. “I’ve never eaten a strawberry in my life. I have no desire to do that.” Never? “Absolutely not.” Brady is magnificently laser-focused for a man who owns more UGGs than any person could ever imagine. “I don’t believe you could be a 39-year-old quarterback in the NFL and eat cheeseburgers every day. I want to be able to do what I love to do for a long time.”

Love it love it love it. This may be the BEST CELEBRITY INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME.

Read the whole thing here.

(Photos: top, Tom’s life without strawberries, and bottom, what Tom would look like if he ever tried a strawberry. via Pacific Coast News)